gabriella

I wish this was a post to share happy news about my most recent pregnancy, but it is not.  In February when we found out we were pregnant we were thrilled.  We had been trying for a little while and were excited to see things going as planned.  But our plans were not God's plans.  I had a miscarriage.

 We found out on May 5 and I had to go to the hospital to deliver on May 12.  It was a girl and we named her Gabriella.  

Gabriella in utero at 7 weeks.

She had passed at 15 weeks.  We got to hold her for awhile and we even took some pictures to remember her.  God did answer my prayers and made the laboring very easy.  It went well physically, but was very difficult emotionally.  Her funeral was on May 29 at Queen of Heaven Cemetery in Mesa.  The burial is a free service funded by Knights of Columbus and we were very grateful.  She was placed on a hill with the statue of the Holy Family.   She will be with at least 3 other babies of families that we know.  It was a beautiful ceremony with just a few of our close family and friends.

 It has been quite an emotional journey for us.   Everyone wants to know how we are doing and we say that we are good because it is the truth, but we will always be sad about it.  That will never go away.  I wish we didn't have to go through it, but I know it has made us stronger in some ways and even more grateful (if that is possible) for the three beautiful children we have already been given.  Once you go through something like this you suddenly hear everyone else's stories that they never told you about before.  I was overwhelmed by the number of women who have also been in my situation.  Whether it was an early miscarriage or later like mine, it has a huge impact on us as mothers.  It is a real child and, no matter their age, we love them.  I am now part of a club that I never wanted to be in, but in many ways it made me closer to my friends than I have been there before.  I pray I don't have to go through it again.  I am doing well and grateful for the overwhelming amount of support I had from friends and family.  Cards, meals, gift cards, and shoulders to cry on were there when I needed them.  Zach is doing well, but it was rough on him, too.  Certainly he went through a different experience than me and it was hard in different ways.  I am grateful that I had him by my side through it all.  I am grateful for our faith because we know Gabriella is with God.  We are not sad for her at all, but we are sad we never got to really meet her.  The kids know about her and talk about her.  I never want them to forget about her so we pray for her at night and ask her to pray for us.  We trust in God's mercy and we pray for another brother or sister for Gabriella to pray for.  Please send your prayers our way.